If you feel beautiful, you are beautiful

I was like every other teenager. When given advice, I rolled my eyes hard. My Auntie Rose and Uncle Tito were kind enough to give me a job every summer. I worked in their office in the billing department. My Aunt liked to give me advice. 

One of the things that she always liked to say was, if you feel beautiful, you are beautiful. It always made me laugh because I never felt beautiful. People always told me I was pretty, but I never felt pretty. Not ever. Not once. Nowadays, I'm over 50, and I realize I have that unique look that some people find attractive. 

When I was younger, anytime someone told me I was pretty, or beautiful, or cute. I always assumed they were being sarcastic. My aunt told me not to be so skeptical. She told me that I needed to feel beautiful before I could accept compliments. I tried. She used to take me to mall. She loved shopping. That was her thing. We would try on makeup and perfume. Get our nails done. I'm not really sure why she liked to dote on me so much. She had children of her own. I was her husband's brother's child who happened to work in her office. She seemed to enjoy my company. 

It's taken me really, really long time, several decades, in fact, to understand what she meant by, you have to feel beautiful to look beautiful. I think what you really meant to say was, you have to care about yourself before you can understand why others see you the way they do. Or before you can see through the eyes of other people, before you can see what others see. That I can get on board with, that I understand. 

So, here I am early in the morning doing my nails in my attempt to feel just a little more beautiful than I did yesterday. Thanks Auntie Rose.