As children, we were easily entertained. We loved fairs, carnivals, museums, amusement parks, parks in general, zoos, haunted houses, aquariums, water parks, those off the beaten path curiosities,... if it even seemed as if it might be fun, we wanted to try it. It was this spirit of adventure that lead us to a series of fortune tellers, usually at fairs or carnivals. It was all in good fun. Sometimes we'd get one that was right on the mark and pretty impressive. For children, this was extremely exciting.
Once we all gave up a precious ticket to be read by a mysterious lady in a darkly colored tent. Afterward, everyone sat on a nearby grassy hill sipping lemon shake ups and exchanging stories of what we were told. This was pretty much how we did things - saw the fortune teller, bought refreshments/snacks, waited on everyone else, exchanged stories, mercilessly teased each other. However, this time things were different. Three of my companions, were told how they were going to die. One guy was told he'd die by fire. One guy was told he'd die of an incurable disease. One guy was told he'd die by water. You'd think everyone would laugh it off and be done with it. This wasn't the case.
The guy who was told he'd die of an incurable disease. Is alive and still going strong.
The guy guy who was told he'd die by water, never swam again. He never went boating or fishing. He never drank water. He didn't like rain. He somehow never got wet when he went out in it. According to his brother he took record breaking short showers and rinsed his mouth out with mouth wash when he brushed his teeth. He took "die by water" very literally. Everyone tried to snap him out of this irrational fear but gave in because he was truly terrified. He was a nurse by profession. He never married. He never had children. He passed away of cancer.
The guy who was told he'd die by fire, became one of the finest volunteer firefighters. He never missed a call. He never hesitated to assist even if the situation was dire, even if it required him to run into a burning building. He was a loyal friend, husband, and father. He served in the military. He was a marine. He was an engineer by profession. He loved hiking, spelunking, video games and spending time with his family and friends. He was heading home one day when his tire went flat. He pulled over to the side of the road to change it. From what we were told, he was killed on impact by another vehicle. It was a tragedy but he lived his life instead of being afraid.
Just because you're told or even if there's evidence to support that something may occur, we all have choices. You can't live life by being in constant fear.
Friday, March 7, 2014
Friday, February 28, 2014
Never be caught like a child that doesn't know any better.
When I was young, we were brought up with proper manners. This included not cursing. None of the younger children cursed. However, children learn by example. Children aren't born with fear, hate, language, or even the most basic of behaviors. These are all learned somewhere.
My older cousins went to public schools. They knew better than to curse; but, were more clever than the average child. Instead of cursing in English or any language we knew our multilingual relatives would comprehend they picked words and phrases from a country that there was no way anyone would understand. It was even quite humorous when the younger children who knew that those words were bad, if not what they meant, began parroting them. After all, one simply doesn't cuss (at least not back then). If you cussed, you did so for a reason. You hurt yourself badly. You were extremely angry. As I mentioned before, it's a learned behavior. It's also not terribly difficult to figure out. If you slam your hand in the door and say something, even if you're laughing, if it's in another language any child knows that's a bad word.
This went on for a while until one of my Aunts heard one of the little ones cuss in this other language because he was fairly deeply cut on the rose bushes. Although concerned he was hurt, she was equally concerned about where he heard that word. When asked questions most children do one of two things either shut down due to extreme trauma or fear or give you the most honest opinions or answers to your questions. Trauma is inflicted. Fear, dishonesty and lying are other learned behaviors. That's something to consider when you're around small children. They learn what's considered alright from the people they come in contact with, television, movies, school, and technology. My younger cousin who had been injured by the rose bushes told my Aunt everything.
She patched him up. Told all of us little ones what that word meant. She explained at length why we shouldn't say it. She honestly didn't need to explain. None of us really knew what it meant to begin with; we were simply parroting the older children. She also told us which relatives spoke that language. We watched her walk off to find our older cousins for a chat.
What's the point? The point is in business and life, you never know what the other person knows or what information and knowledge they posses. All you know is what has been shared with you and what's common knowledge. It's far simpler to add value to a discussion than to retract or back peddle your way out of a situation you were unprepared to handle. Never be caught like a child that doesn't know any better.
My older cousins went to public schools. They knew better than to curse; but, were more clever than the average child. Instead of cursing in English or any language we knew our multilingual relatives would comprehend they picked words and phrases from a country that there was no way anyone would understand. It was even quite humorous when the younger children who knew that those words were bad, if not what they meant, began parroting them. After all, one simply doesn't cuss (at least not back then). If you cussed, you did so for a reason. You hurt yourself badly. You were extremely angry. As I mentioned before, it's a learned behavior. It's also not terribly difficult to figure out. If you slam your hand in the door and say something, even if you're laughing, if it's in another language any child knows that's a bad word.
This went on for a while until one of my Aunts heard one of the little ones cuss in this other language because he was fairly deeply cut on the rose bushes. Although concerned he was hurt, she was equally concerned about where he heard that word. When asked questions most children do one of two things either shut down due to extreme trauma or fear or give you the most honest opinions or answers to your questions. Trauma is inflicted. Fear, dishonesty and lying are other learned behaviors. That's something to consider when you're around small children. They learn what's considered alright from the people they come in contact with, television, movies, school, and technology. My younger cousin who had been injured by the rose bushes told my Aunt everything.
She patched him up. Told all of us little ones what that word meant. She explained at length why we shouldn't say it. She honestly didn't need to explain. None of us really knew what it meant to begin with; we were simply parroting the older children. She also told us which relatives spoke that language. We watched her walk off to find our older cousins for a chat.
What's the point? The point is in business and life, you never know what the other person knows or what information and knowledge they posses. All you know is what has been shared with you and what's common knowledge. It's far simpler to add value to a discussion than to retract or back peddle your way out of a situation you were unprepared to handle. Never be caught like a child that doesn't know any better.
Friday, February 14, 2014
No one will ever know about the little blue bird
My maternal Grandmother was a quiet lady. She was always smiling. She loved to cook, sew, and garden. People always said they could tell she was a kind, gentle lady of great character. My Dad once told me that everyone knows she's kind and gentle by the way she acts in public but it's the way she acts in private that gives her great character. This always confused me when I was young. How could people know she was a lady of great character if they were never around to see it.
My Grandmother was the sort of person who could grow sticks into thriving plants and nurse wounded animals back to health. One crowded summers day, there was an awful noise in front of the house. A car tried to swerve to avoid hitting these kittens crossing the street. It hit one anyway and also took out a bird on it's windshield. My little sisters were bawling. No one else really took much notice. It was just a little grey cat and a little blue bird. When my Grandmother returned from her daily walk, the street had cleared out. My sisters were still upset. When she asked why they were unhappy, they explained everything.
My Grandmother, much to the dismay of the other adults in my family, searched the sides of the road and the gutters and retrieved the two broken animals. The little blue bird was already gone; but, she did nurse the little part Russian grey kitten back to health. Everyone was so pre-occupied with the kitten that would live they assumed she discarded the little bird. She didn't. I saw her tuck it away. Later I quietly watched her give it a proper burial and say a prayer when she was finished. She didn't know I was there. I understood what my Dad meant by having great character. They're the actions you do when no one is around, no one is observing, and give you no merit. It's what makes you a good person.
No one will ever know about the little blue bird. Yet everyone knows my Grandmother is a kind, gentle lady of great character.
My Grandmother was the sort of person who could grow sticks into thriving plants and nurse wounded animals back to health. One crowded summers day, there was an awful noise in front of the house. A car tried to swerve to avoid hitting these kittens crossing the street. It hit one anyway and also took out a bird on it's windshield. My little sisters were bawling. No one else really took much notice. It was just a little grey cat and a little blue bird. When my Grandmother returned from her daily walk, the street had cleared out. My sisters were still upset. When she asked why they were unhappy, they explained everything.
My Grandmother, much to the dismay of the other adults in my family, searched the sides of the road and the gutters and retrieved the two broken animals. The little blue bird was already gone; but, she did nurse the little part Russian grey kitten back to health. Everyone was so pre-occupied with the kitten that would live they assumed she discarded the little bird. She didn't. I saw her tuck it away. Later I quietly watched her give it a proper burial and say a prayer when she was finished. She didn't know I was there. I understood what my Dad meant by having great character. They're the actions you do when no one is around, no one is observing, and give you no merit. It's what makes you a good person.
No one will ever know about the little blue bird. Yet everyone knows my Grandmother is a kind, gentle lady of great character.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Waiting for Pizza
My brother: What are you doing?
Me: Making coffee.
My brother: S'okay I'll get it.
Me: I'm making iced...
My brother: It's cold out...
Me: I'm aware. (grins)
My brother: Allllrrriiiggghhhtttt...
Me: (sits back down and starts typing)
My brother: What's that?
Me: I'm blogging.
My brother: On your tablet?
Me: It's convenient. Besides it's way easier than blogging on my phone.
My brother: You blog on your phone?
Me: Not easily.
The funny thing about this conversation is we both already know what's going to be asked and the answer. We can practically finish each others sentences. It's a comfortable exchange. He's my brother. We're not actually talking for information. We're talking to hear each other talk while we wait for the pizza delivery guy. In most cases, you won't have a pre-established relationship with the individual you're attempting to communicate with, exchange information, or gain information. Having not only your goal in mind but also well researched steps for reaching that goal is key to achieving it. If you think of communicating to achieve a goal in two steps: communicating is similar to interviewing and achieving the goal is similar to being hired; it's a simple matter to develop the process. Not every conversation is like waiting for pizza. You need to be prepared.
Me: Making coffee.
My brother: S'okay I'll get it.
Me: I'm making iced...
My brother: It's cold out...
Me: I'm aware. (grins)
My brother: Allllrrriiiggghhhtttt...
Me: (sits back down and starts typing)
My brother: What's that?
Me: I'm blogging.
My brother: On your tablet?
Me: It's convenient. Besides it's way easier than blogging on my phone.
My brother: You blog on your phone?
Me: Not easily.
The funny thing about this conversation is we both already know what's going to be asked and the answer. We can practically finish each others sentences. It's a comfortable exchange. He's my brother. We're not actually talking for information. We're talking to hear each other talk while we wait for the pizza delivery guy. In most cases, you won't have a pre-established relationship with the individual you're attempting to communicate with, exchange information, or gain information. Having not only your goal in mind but also well researched steps for reaching that goal is key to achieving it. If you think of communicating to achieve a goal in two steps: communicating is similar to interviewing and achieving the goal is similar to being hired; it's a simple matter to develop the process. Not every conversation is like waiting for pizza. You need to be prepared.
Friday, January 31, 2014
How you're perceived, will determine how what you say, do, or present is interpreted.
As children we're taught to read thoroughly and objectively. If you don't read thoroughly, you'll miss important details. If you don't read objectively, your personal feelings, experiences, or opinions may change the meaning, intent, or accuracy of the reading or on the extreme end insert elements that weren't there at all. As adults our reading skills may be further handicapped by relationships and experience.
A few days ago there was a short, lacking in substance and detail news article about a Utah school. All it stated was 1) some of the parents were a little behind on the lunch account 2) this couldn't be determined until the student reached the cashier implying but not specifically stating that this had to be the first day of notice 3) lunches were thrown out in front of all the students 4) lunches were replaced by an orange and a milk 5) parents usually paid on accounts as notified -- That was all if you're pulling facts. The rest was reporter commentary on the outrage, anger, and fall out. This same article was posted by two of my friends.
(Names changed)
Liz is religious. She's a business owner. Most of her posts have some religious reference, inspirational text, or the words God or Jesus in them.
Rob is ex military. He's an educator. Most of his posts have some sort of political reference. He posts news, satire, controversial topics.
They both posted the article. The reactions, even from the same people, were different. People tend to read the article as posted by Liz with Liz in mind. They have empathy for the children and their families. They speak of the injustice and the tragedy. They talk of how no child should go hungry or be treated this way. They speak highly of the one cafeteria worker that was helpless to do anything but had the compassion to cry at the plight of these children who remember. This detail was in the fall out.
In contrast, Rob was viciously attacked. I read things on free and reduced lunches. I read the word freeloaders more times than I care to count. I read the words irresponsible parents. I read a lot of legislation that should be passed to do away with free and reduced lunches. None of this was in this article. The readers were associating past posts with the current one. In other words they weren't reading objectively. They read the article with Rob in mind.
Herein lies the danger. How you're perceived whether or not it's entirely accurate, will in part also determine how everything you say, do, or present is interpreted. While I believe you should always be yourself, I also believe there are lines that shouldn't be crossed. An article is an article regardless of who presents it. The facts don't magically change.
A few days ago there was a short, lacking in substance and detail news article about a Utah school. All it stated was 1) some of the parents were a little behind on the lunch account 2) this couldn't be determined until the student reached the cashier implying but not specifically stating that this had to be the first day of notice 3) lunches were thrown out in front of all the students 4) lunches were replaced by an orange and a milk 5) parents usually paid on accounts as notified -- That was all if you're pulling facts. The rest was reporter commentary on the outrage, anger, and fall out. This same article was posted by two of my friends.
(Names changed)
Liz is religious. She's a business owner. Most of her posts have some religious reference, inspirational text, or the words God or Jesus in them.
Rob is ex military. He's an educator. Most of his posts have some sort of political reference. He posts news, satire, controversial topics.
They both posted the article. The reactions, even from the same people, were different. People tend to read the article as posted by Liz with Liz in mind. They have empathy for the children and their families. They speak of the injustice and the tragedy. They talk of how no child should go hungry or be treated this way. They speak highly of the one cafeteria worker that was helpless to do anything but had the compassion to cry at the plight of these children who remember. This detail was in the fall out.
In contrast, Rob was viciously attacked. I read things on free and reduced lunches. I read the word freeloaders more times than I care to count. I read the words irresponsible parents. I read a lot of legislation that should be passed to do away with free and reduced lunches. None of this was in this article. The readers were associating past posts with the current one. In other words they weren't reading objectively. They read the article with Rob in mind.
Herein lies the danger. How you're perceived whether or not it's entirely accurate, will in part also determine how everything you say, do, or present is interpreted. While I believe you should always be yourself, I also believe there are lines that shouldn't be crossed. An article is an article regardless of who presents it. The facts don't magically change.
Friday, January 24, 2014
Nothing you do is insignificant
The gaming industry is one of the most unique places I've ever had the pleasure of working. Most of the time, you never meet the people you work with, never get past the avatar, or the user name. I did qualify my statement with "most of the time". After, you've worked with the same people for years as in any industry, you develop friendships. A few of my friends and I were working on a game. I was so absorbed in writing a small playfield back story my Dad and brother easily snuck up on me on their way to the kitchen. There were times my Mom swore I was always the last one to the table. My Dad was always full of questions. He never ceased to want to be in the know with what my brother or I were doing. That day his questions were directed toward me. He wanted to know what a computer scientist, an engineer, a ceramic engineer, and a former military man were doing working on a video game. Easy one. I was writing the back story. The guys each had their own things going. I know they were working out the graphics, dimensions, and physics of the temple. The material could be fictional but all the equations still had to add up. My Dad laughed and my brother raised an eye brow. "Why does a video game have to have a story or make sense?", Dad asked almost rhetorically. I know what he was alluding to with his light-hearted question. Technically it doesn't need a back story and it obviously never needs to make sense. I told them we like for it to be as realistic as possible for immersion players. Those are people who simply enjoy losing themselves in another world. Besides, if we don't give one hundred percent to anything we chose to spend our time on, why would we expect anything we do to be successful. This they understood.
Nothing you do is insignificant. Nothing you do is unimportant.
Nothing you do is insignificant. Nothing you do is unimportant.
Friday, January 10, 2014
The definition of normal differs from place to place.
Alyssah: Momma, I met this guy and he's really weird.
Me: What's weird about him?
Alyssah: Well he's twenty three. He doesn't drink or smoke but he goes out to dance; and, he's a virgin. But, he's not crazy religious or anything.
Me: Where's he from?
Alyssah: Originally he's from the Chicago area but..
Me: (smiling)
Alyssah: What?
Me: Think about it. He's from the Chicago area. They're lucky if they drive at that age.
Alyssah: You're right. Where he's from, he didn't drive or know anyone so there wasn't any reason to go out. I guess it's not that weird.
Me: It takes more than that to make a Chicago area boy weird. (smiles)
Alyssah: (laughs) He actually pretty cool. (smiles)
Me: Yeah?
Alyssah: Yeah.
The definition of what is and isn't normal differs from place to place. It can be behavioral, dietary, language - think colloquialisms (a danish is a sweet roll and a soda is pop is soda pop is a soft drink is a carbonated beverage), fashion, architecture, flora, and fauna -- to name a few. Unless you familiarize yourself with the area you won't know what's considered normal. It's worth noting that acceptable and normal are two entirely different things. Normal sets a standard. You never want to allow yourself to fall below acceptable on the normal scale. It's far better to learn the influences of the area. In this way, you can always improve yourself. Falling above interesting on the normal scale places you into the exceptional. It's an achievable goal you can strive toward.
Me: What's weird about him?
Alyssah: Well he's twenty three. He doesn't drink or smoke but he goes out to dance; and, he's a virgin. But, he's not crazy religious or anything.
Me: Where's he from?
Alyssah: Originally he's from the Chicago area but..
Me: (smiling)
Alyssah: What?
Me: Think about it. He's from the Chicago area. They're lucky if they drive at that age.
Alyssah: You're right. Where he's from, he didn't drive or know anyone so there wasn't any reason to go out. I guess it's not that weird.
Me: It takes more than that to make a Chicago area boy weird. (smiles)
Alyssah: (laughs) He actually pretty cool. (smiles)
Me: Yeah?
Alyssah: Yeah.
The definition of what is and isn't normal differs from place to place. It can be behavioral, dietary, language - think colloquialisms (a danish is a sweet roll and a soda is pop is soda pop is a soft drink is a carbonated beverage), fashion, architecture, flora, and fauna -- to name a few. Unless you familiarize yourself with the area you won't know what's considered normal. It's worth noting that acceptable and normal are two entirely different things. Normal sets a standard. You never want to allow yourself to fall below acceptable on the normal scale. It's far better to learn the influences of the area. In this way, you can always improve yourself. Falling above interesting on the normal scale places you into the exceptional. It's an achievable goal you can strive toward.
Friday, January 3, 2014
Anything but Roses
For as long as I can remember, my Dad always called us from his office on Mom's birthday or their anniversary. He'd give us money to buy flowers to have delivered to Mom at her office. He'd take care of the rest. He always said "pick something nice that your Mom would like" with a smile then he'd roll his eyes and say "no roses". My Dad grew up surrounded by rose bushes all his life. He said they were far too common a flower to give to my Mom. My brother and I always found this funny since my Dad could find the beauty in a dandelion. He said if they weren't so common, they wouldn't be weeds. After a time, we could see how a bouquet of wildflowers is infinitely more lovely and meaningful than a bouquet of roses.
After many years of buying flowers for our Dad, we learned many things. My Dad loves my Mom in a way we can't put to words. Trust me. We've tried it. Things have no meaning until you give them meaning. It's nothing unless you believe it. Things become what you perceive. Those last three apply to most all things in life, not just selecting uncommon flowers for gifts.
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