Frame of reference is important

When my brother and I were young we used to recycle heavily because the salvage yards in our area paid well and every teen-ager needs extra cash for the week ends for food, entertainment, and fuel.  After glass bottles became obsolete, one of our favored items were one liter bottles that returned a nickle in our state or in the neighboring state where we visit relatives.  We lived in a small town.  Many of our classmates were sheltered.  The drug store had a candy shop inside.  Many of the stores were mom and pop shops.  For the longest time our grocers all had bakers and butchers in house.  Quality tends to suffer when a community grows.  The reason I bring up the size of my home town and recycling in particular is because I wanted to share the importance of point of reference.  I can illustrate a point using a popular television series episode for example, but there are still those who'll lose the popular culture reference.  Not everyone shares similar experiences in entertainment, education, occupation, travel, readings, lectures, seminars, the arts, or life.  Your life experiences build your frame of reference. 

My brother and I had a friend from school who was fascinated with culture and was unintentionally, extremely naive.  I recall her asking me what Mi hi was with the fascination and sincerity of a six year old.  I had no idea what she was talking about but assumed she was mispronouncing something.  This was the same friend that was fascinated by the "foreign fruit" in our home.  They were California grown mangoes but we didn't like to spoil her illusions.  I thought perhaps she was merely reading the packaging of items that looked unfamiliar to her and mispronouncing some ingredient.  I only figured out what she was talking about because she asked why we bought different soda if it looked and tasted the same.  The Mi hi or 5 cents she was talking about was Michigan Hawaii Oregon - recycle for a nickel.  Her frame of reference was entirely different than mine and she made a lot of assumptions.  We didn't purchase that soda.  However, the person that purchased it for us took notice that we carried one liter bottles instead of two.  I'm afraid we didn't explain to our kindly Auntie that brand didn't matter.  We purchased the one liters for price, convenience, size, and we selected the one with our state on the recycling list on the back.  It's funny that our friend assumed the smaller size meant it was a different kind of product.

Your frame of reference is built by life experience.  Without the proper frame of reference, many misunderstandings can occur.  Some of these misunderstandings may not be harmless.  It can cause unnecessary frustrations.  It only takes a moment of your time to cater your frame of reference for your intended audience.  Even if you don't feel context is important, even if it seems as if anyone and everyone should be able to comprehend it -- read it again.  Always remember, clarity is best.

Everything you do or say intentional or not is absorbed by your children

The holiday season is a time for giving.  Christmas is important to my family.  We have a large family.  Holiday shopping is a leisurely experience that takes many lengthy trips.  On one of our final excursions, it was just me and my oldest daughter.  We decided to stop for a bite.  Since we were in a mall, I sat in the food court with our purchases while my daughter hurried off toward the little counter we decided to purchase from beforehand.  As I was waiting, a large family stopped next to our table.  They were arguing quite loudly.  The mother of this unruly group declared there was no point in whining they would take a bathroom break but wouldn't be able to stop to eat until they bought all the presents they had to buy.  She then started listing who they had left as they continued to argue across the food court.  What caught my attention besides the fact that they were too loud, obnoxious, and ill-tempered to ignore was she said "had to buy".  One of her, I assume, sons made the remark about Aunt Donna? and possibly her family? (I wasn't actually trying to over-hear this conversation) but what he said was "we don't even like them".  I often feel that the definition of the word Gift is lost on people.  A Gift is something you give freely of yourself because you want to in order to bring happiness to its recipient.  It's not an obligation.  Although, I admit I know people who have those.  It's certainly not something you spend time on, torment your family doing, or give to people you don't even like.  Strangers are different.  Random acts of kindness are a manner by which you can be grateful for all you've been blessed.  Obligations are best left to mail order, catalog, or kiosk purchases.  Select a nice fruit basket, seasonal item, gift card, or something from this individuals line of work or area of interest.  It's quite difficult to go wrong in this way if you insist on exchanging holiday items with people you don't like or is just an acquaintance you feel you should give something to for the holidays.  Personally, I send my Christmas cards and holiday greetings.  I never purchase a Gift I don't believe the recipient will love.  For me, it defeats the purpose of giving if you didn't want to give that person a gift in the first place.  Perhaps some people just need to re-evaluate their values not for themselves but for what they're teaching their children who are our future.  Later tonight, my family wraps more gifts.  There's an all night coffee shop with wonderful coffee and snacks.  Thus far, there are sixteen of us here.  The children are helping wrap gifts.  Perhaps, I'll get my brother and brother-in laws to pick up some coffee and snacks, some to go and some standing orders for whoever needs it.  It's a cold night tonight.

Everything you do or say intentional or not is absorbed by your children.  Their definition of many things in life not just Gift depends on you.

Ask but never assume

My daughter recently switched apartments.  During the move, her Xbox hard drive was misplaced.  She dropped by a local shop to pick up another one and a longer HDMI cable.  The associate that was assisting her was making small talk.  Generally it's good practice to make small talk with your customers.  He was awkward.  One of the first things he said was "what kind of Xbox does your boyfriend have?"  When you make assumptions about the end use of any product, you risk losing that sale.  I purchased a nice waffle maker for a male member of my family this Christmas.  A few years ago, my brother gave me ties for my birthday.  Placing artificial labels on products isn't only limiting but can be fatal to your business.  When I purchase products, I don't expect them to be gender labeled nor do I expect sales associates to blatantly tag them as such.  If I find such inconsideration, there are other brands and other shops.  

Nothing is impossible.

A number of years ago, I met a talented developer.  After working together on a number of projects, we became good friends.  She's one of my better friends.  Though I'm familiar with her appearance from online video chats, I only learned her real first name recently when she asked mine.  It was never necessary information.  People often tell me it isn't possible to have close friends you've never met.  There's something missing.  If that's the case, the missing element isn't trust. 

Last year during November, we were working on a project.  I recall her telling me her headset was busted.  I made an offhand remark about all the sales going on and that it should be inexpensive to replace it.  She didn't respond for quite a long period of time.  I assumed she was working.  When she finally replied, she told me she couldn't replace the headset with just any headset.  She had sent off for a particular one.  At this point, you're likely thinking she's vain or spoiled.  I assure you that isn't the case.  She had never told anyone she worked with before me on that night.  She required special equipment because she was deaf.  The equipment allowed her to feel the sound waves as if she could hear them.  I would've never known had she not told me. 

I've never felt sorry for her.  She's one of the best.  Yet, I realize there are many things that are taken fore granted for the simple reason that they're gifts we're all born with so we never know what it's like to live without them.  Some people will never see the sunrise.  Others will never earn your trust.  Some people are born blessed.  Others work for their blessings.  She taught me to turn my disadvantages to my advantage and never to take anything fore granted.  Be grateful for your blessings but if you're not so blessed work toward it.  Nothing is impossible.